You really coming over, don't trick.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
