Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
