Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
