I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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