thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
