Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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