I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
