You made me cry and you don't even care
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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