It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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