garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
