babies were throwing up all over the place
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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