you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
