You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
