don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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