I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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