My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
