Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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