My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
