Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize