I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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