It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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