cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
