direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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