No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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