That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
