Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
