not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
