i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
