Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
