It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
