after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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