Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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