I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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