i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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