drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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