I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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