whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
