New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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