i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
