I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
