My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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