It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
