Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
