I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
