Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
