maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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