If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
