Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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