her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
