I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
