i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
