Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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