Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
