Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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