I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
