I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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