after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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