Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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