Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was CRYING into my vagina
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
