3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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