I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
