the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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