apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
