The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
