her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
