You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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