He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
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Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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