The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
