He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
