which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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