his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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