69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
