Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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