Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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