Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize