New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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