Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
