Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
